


Did Anyone Ask Where "There" Was

by Sudrien (a_b_b_e)



Series: The timeline in which Roxy Bends [15]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Choose Your Own Adventure, Contortion, Flexibility, Gen, IN SPACE!, Illustrations, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-07-21 04:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 59
Words: 13,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_b_b_e/pseuds/Sudrien
Summary: Roxy made a bet, and has to follow though with it. And by Roxy, I meanYou.This fic is structured as aGamebook, a.k.a. "Choose Your Own Adventure". Please use the progression links at the bottom, rather than clicking "Next Chapter".





	1. Did Anyone ask Where "There" Was?

**Author's Note:**

> Illustrations by [Jesseth](https://tumblr.altamaranempire.com/), [CosmicSynthetics](https://tumblr.cosmicsynthetics.com/), and [CleoNova](https://twitter.com/CleoNovaArt), with animation logic by myself.

Your name is Roxy Lalonde. And while your singing voice was never that great, at least you have air capacity. Which is why you can still manage to sing with your feet locked behind your head and a troll perched on your stomach, between your legs, your voices echoing down the halls of the ship that will not be called the Battleship Condescension - for reasons of the ears available to hear it.

"row row row yr boat"

"Woh woh woah your boat"

"gently down the streme"

"Gently down the stream"

"mer-eh-ley mer-eh-ley mer-eh-ley mer-eh-ley"

"Merwaly merwaly merwaly merwaly"

"lief is but a dream"

"Life is but a dweem"

While Meenah's pronunciation is not ... immaculate, it seems her attempts at English have suddenly lost the ability to correctly pronounce the letter "R". Sometimes. It's weird. And while you don't claim to be an expert in either human or troll development, it seemed to you like some sneaky speech therapy was in order - if only you knew how to do that properly.

Not to mention, this gave Meenah distractions from other things. She would, for example, stop from worrying aloud that you would get stuck with your legs behind your head. Which, honestly, is one of the easiest poses to do while passing time in your informal bet. And, you could double as the hull of the ship Meenah sailed in, your arms pretending to row the both of you down the actual ship's halls, above the wandering carapace's heads.

The informal bet was, if you could go three nights - which all the humans on board just automatically substituted with "days" when they heard it - constantly contorted without getting "stuck", then Meenah would accept your instruction in not-yoga.

That is, hopefully three days example was enough to stop the child's worrying.

But really, you could take a break from all this "Rowing".

####  [==> Find some other way to play with Meenah](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343880)

####  [==> What is Dirk up to](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343757)

####  [==> What is Jane up to](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342899)

####  [==> Visit Jake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343958)


	2. To Sleep, Perchance to Clean

Then Amelia Bedelia rolled off the sofa...

_AND DIED._

####  [==>Wait what](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342872)


	3. Wait, what?

You are in a dark room, with one spotlight in the center. You hope it's the center, and not one of those theoretical infinite rooms that has no center.

A clanking of dry bones approaches.

"Hey Buddy," The voice sounds... familiar - monotone, and mind-numbingly repetitive, but familiar. A skeletal hand grips the back of the chair, turning the chair's back to you. A mockery of the human skeleton appears in the light, dressed in a pair of bedroom slippers, track shorts, a thick blue winter coat, unzipped to expose a blank white t-shirt.

"Sans here."

When you don't show quite the response he wants to see, he sighs. "Sans Undertale. From classics like Deltarune chapter 1 and 3."

He gently hauls himself onto the chair, straddling it so you get a good view oh his scull, crossed arms, legs, and crotch. "We've got to talk."

"First, I have to say not to do the drugs, if I sit like this, I guess? Don't do the weed, or the pipe, or the tube that tries to eat your tonsils, kid. Just don't. But that's not why you're here.

"You're here because you clicked 'Next Chapter'. Kid, that ain't this sort of fic. It's a choose your own adventure fic. It means the author wanted to write more stuff than could be canon. So I tell you what, kid," He takes a long breath, like hes winded. He isn't.

"If you click 'Next Chapter' again, You're gonna get the canon story. And it's going to eventually say 'Good End'. And after that, it's just going to get weird. All messed up. Not because you're doing drugs kid, because you not doing them, because Sans told you to - or not to - right?

"Or you could click the links at the bottom of the page. With those stupid arrow things that I guess some web comic used? Whatever. But at least the story might make a little more sense. Hey. Do you even remember how the story started at this point?

####  [==>Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343367)

####  [==> No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342752)


	4. What is Jane up to

You order a hard port - that's left. It's the same number of letters. Meenah, not being the most up-to-date on human naval nomenclature, looks around frantically. Thankfully, then next connecting hallway to present itself had only a left turn, so the troll complied.

Craning her neck to look around the calf supporting it, Roxy looks at the carapaces below.

Far too many are looking back.

Was it the god tier duds? Was it still the relative newness of their situation? The floating just beyond their reach? The contortion?

Roxy tried to remember the average carapace's reaction to the stretching back in the old days... disinterested. But, hunger usually had more of their attention anyways. At least the carapaces they had saved had plenty of food, if not much in the line of stimulating activities.

Maybe she could convince a few to stretch with her and Meenah. Though... "convince" and "order" had a bit too much overlap at the moment. Maybe it was time for a change of outfit - something that'd fit a tail. Soon.

"Captain! There she blow!" Meenah was doing her first mate role convincingly, spying the door to the mess hall.

"oh no we gotta turn hard - hol on!" Roxy started into a slow spin to the side, disorienting Meenah before she started to laugh. Hardly aware of her own direction, her butt caught on the edge of the wide door she was trying to enter - bouncing Meenah from her perch and putting her on a collision course with the ceiling. After a brief encounter with that hard surface, she found herself not quite shipshape on the Mess Hall floor.

Meenah stood up - not quite straight and obviously a little dizzy - and shouted something unrecognizable before falling over again. Roxy simply assumed it was troll for "Man Overboard".

####  [==> On your feet, loser](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342929)


	5. On your feet, loser

It takes a few minutes for the two of you to sway into the kitchen where Jane was just taking out freshly baked bread for lunch - Meenah on her own two feet, you on all fours - swiveling forward again by raising a hand and foot at the same time and swinging them around your circumference, alternating between a standard 4-legged gait and a backbend bridge as you advance.

"Howdy Meenah - Hey Rox. Still going through with the challenge, then?"

"wel why wouldnt i? i wanna get my girl stretchin" you make a quick grab at Meenah's waist, giving her the slightest tickle and getting a giggle back.

Meenah got a mean look on her face before burying her mouth in your ear. "We should help," came out a not-even-trying-to-be-a-whisper.

"we cn help," you look back up to Jane, "if ya need it."

"Let's see - I've a few pans that need to be washed up. And, I was planing on a salad - Meenah, would you please handle the scrubbing again?"

"Yess!" She ran over to a tall footstool, gently carrying it over to a deep washbasin with more pans than a day's worth of cooking would leave.

"I'd say this is her third time going through most of that set - a few of them are almost there. I'd just grist them if she didn't need something to do," Jane confides, "Anyways. I'm sure you can find a better pose to handle a knife in." She motioned over to a table and a pair of chairs that is almost small enough to properly fit in the center of the room. The table is a lot like the kitchen table from her home. Maybe she'd cataloged the original. Maybe this was... a recreation. You decide it'd be better not to ask. Instead - you lope over to the chair and tried to figure out the worst way to sit in it as Meenah gazes on.

####  [==> Side splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342950)

####  [==> Front splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342953)

####  [==> Frontbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342959)

####  [==> Backbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342968)

####  [==> Torso Twist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342992)


	6. Side splits

Alas, you can not emulate THE BIG MAN.

Pussy hates this.

####  [==> Front splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342953)

####  [==> Frontbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342959)

####  [==> Backbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342968)

####  [==> Torso Twist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342992)


	7. Front splits

Maybe if you didn't need both your hands free. Because your feet certainly are not going to keep you on the chair like this.

####  [==> Side splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342950)

####  [==> Frontbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342959)

####  [==> Backbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342968)

####  [==> Torso Twist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342992)


	8. Frontbend

You think about how this could be your floating throne, your form organically twisted throughout it, floating around time and space, observing the universe. Honestly, if the chair were padded, a definite maybe.

####  [==> Side splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342950)

####  [==> Front splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342953)

####  [==> Backbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342968)

####  [==> Torso Twist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342992)


	9. Backbend

Asphyxiation due to choking by feet is not your fetish. Know thyself.

####  [==> Side splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342950)

####  [==> Front splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342953)

####  [==> Frontbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342959)

####  [==> Torso Twist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342992)


	10. Torso Twist

In one way, if feels lazy - in another way, it makes you lightheaded in not a good way - in another 'nother way, man you feel like a woman. You love it when it feels like you have an actual waist.

####  [==> Side splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342950)

####  [==> Front splits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342953)

####  [==> Frontbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342959)

####  [==> Backbend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342968)

####  [==> Torso twist it is, then](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343019)


	11. Torso twist it is, then

A long as your whole bottom half doesn't go all pins and needles, you can probably deal with your heart pounding from doing almost nothing.

Jane places a butcher's knife and a bunch of carrots on a cutting board before you, "Not the freshest, but, you know, hopefully we'll find fresher when we arrive."

"hey, these are plenty fresher den 'drowned in a can'." Roxy, concentrating - actual food preparation had never been her thing - topped the first one.

Jane nodded, then went back to the fridge, to return with two exactly identical heads of lettuce, "Well, wherever we get to, I can only hope there's room enough for a garden - not that I've done too much gardening, but we have way too many idle hands on this ship to be eating the exact same head of lettuce for the rest of my life," She started tearing down the heads, "I just hope we saved a few farmers along with the rest."

"i dunno, grist makes for preety good eats compared to what i grew up with." Roxy was flinching back from the knife's edge with every slice downwards, ears perked high, but kept with the task. Oddly enough, the twist in her waist was keeping just enough of her attention away from the task at hand to keep her in the chair. "bsides, id rather not go from last two peeps on earth ta last mostly-immortal 4 peeps on earth, iff were talking scenarios."

"I mean, same, but..." Jane paused in tearing up a lettuce leaf, "there's just too many options to think about otherwise, aren't there? If C-" Jane remembered the troll at the sink, "If SHE is there, If She isn't, if I have to deal with Crocker Corp-"

"we cn take whatever she throws at us, tho"

"Take? No, no, I mean, I'm her heiress, remember? I fix Crocker Corp, if anything's left of it. Make it a company that serves Humanity."

"yr sure that can actually be done? ehould be done? i dont think replacing an glampress with gods is gonna be that great fr ppl." Roxy moved onto another carrot, "besides, i dont rlly seeing us stick toggeter w/o her. well, maybey with her," She glanced back to Meenah, "until she grows up some. but lyk, we could barely have your bday party together on our own."

"Perhaps. But it Crocker Corp is still around, I don't want to just assume it's irredeemable, you know?"

####  [==> Meenah: Interrupt](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343043)

####  [==> Meenah: Work hard!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343532)


	12. Meenah: Interrupt

It's not like Meenah could sneak up on Roxy - the silence of pans being "washed" and the pitter-patter of feet was quite obvious - at least to her hearing. To be safe, she pushed away the knife she'd been using. Which was a good thing, because the troll was suddenly on her head. This was easily handled normally, but not so much with her spine twisted as it was.

"Rocshe, i finished!"

"oh yeah? everythin is spic n span?" Meenah's weight, hanging over the back pf the chair, was pulling Roxy over it the chair's back. Thankfully or not, her progress of being dragged over the chair back was halted by the twist in her waist, leaving Jane with a view of her bottom half.

"spick an pan!"

Roxy gently removed Meenah's fingers from her hair - and ears - and neck - and pondering her situation, floated above the chair just enough to pass her knotted waist over it and continue her slide backwards, gently depositing her chest on the ground and her feet either side oh her head. her feet then made a quick circle along the floor, forcing Meenah back, letting her waist straighten in one axis while staying bent in others.

"janie an i arent quite done yet, could you sit around for a bit?" Roxy floated up to Meenah's eye level, chin resting in her arms, arms wrapped around feet - not the best cube, but compact enough.

"Oh Kay," Meenah's interpretation of "sitting around was taking Roxy's chair - which was fine, Roxy herself lightly settled on the table, continuing her chopping-

"Must... really, could you not have your feet on the table?" Jane, after a minute of silence, didn't continue with her own chore.

"hmm..." Roxy considered for a moment, then crossed her legs over her head, getting her feet out of the way - though it was a little annoying to have the legs resting on her ears.

"I..." Jane didn't show any signs of relief. "Maybe you should just take Meenah... elsewhere." She was still staring at Roxy's feet, with the occasional glance at the food "Maybe go see Jake? Or Dirk?"

"if yr sure-"

"I can finish up here. Don't worry about that. Just be back for dinner," Was she sweating a little bit?

"i... ok. hey meens, ya wanna race?" Roxy floated down to the floor, partially unfolding to a bridge.

"Race?"

"yep, lets run!" She jumped off the chair.

"but you gotta do it like this!" she turned her upended chest to the door, preparing for an inverted lope.

"ehhh," Meenah laid on her back and pushed herself into a backbend, "like this is good?" she tried walking a bit, the first few tries managing to topple when her arms caught horns, but quickly learning how to avoid them.

"janie, count us of!"

"Hm? Oh. 3 - 2 - 1 - "

####  [==> Go!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343103)


	13. Go!

The going starts slow, as you expected - doubly slow because the mess hall is filled with carapaces - only a few are short enough to realize what's going by - a few get lightly bumped as you navigated between, a few got banged in the knees as Meenah tried to bound past.

You're out in the hall. While there are plenty of carapaces here, too, pretty much all of them are sitting or leaning against the walls.

You decide it isn't appropriate to go full speed, to make sure Meenah is following. Maybe you should have specified a goal.

####  [==> Take the stairs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343742)

####  [==> Turn Right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343118)


	14. Turn Right

She's starting to catch up, you can start the actual race. You bank to the right, pushing off the opposing wall to do so.

You breeze by Jake. He's - trying to put on some black and green pants? Ok, sure. Think about never again, or at dinner, whichever comes first.

You can here hear her footslaps getting closer, but something doesn't sound right. Your neck cranes back - she isn't - wait. You look up at the ceiling.

There she is. Still bent backwards, forcing herself against the top of the hall where she doesn't have to worry about dodging something. The little shit is passing you.

####  [==> Follow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343772)

####  [==> Follown't](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343133)


	15. Follown't

You slow down a bit, waiting to see if there is any sign of Meenah noticing. There isn't, for now. She barrels ahead.

Just were are - Ah, that's one of the hangar entrances she's about to pass, Dirk will be there. Sounds like a good arbitrary place to end. And it's a long hall, so as she keeps running - you stop at the first entrance and float to brace against the door frame.

"mmmeenahhh! wher yu going hun?"

She takes a moment to notice you are not keeping up - and then where you are - "didnt ya wanna win?"

She gasps - as much as her heavy breathing will allow - swivels around, still pressed to the ceiling, and gallops back towards you.

And you drop through the doorway.

You have a moment to catch your breath, in your fake snowfall. There's Dirk, looking like he was just waiting for you to drop into the hangar, his impromptu workbench filled with bits and bobs you're not sure you can identify. You assume that's the point of having them there.

And then Meenah is jumping at you. As best as she can, she tries to tackle you midair, which only truly succeeds when you hit the outer wall of the hangar. You both are a mess of limbs for a moment, hands trying to dart in and tickle each other.

When you look up, Dirk is watching, waiting. He turns back to his workbench.

####  [==> Hey Dirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343151)


	16. Hey Dirk

You leave Meenah floating where she is, regaining her breath or sniffing at things, whatever she'd doing. At least, Jane tells you, she's not putting things into her mouth to examine them, as is human babies' wont.

"yo, dirkie."

He bristles a little bit - he always does when you call him anything but his name. "I'm glad to see you're staying sociable after that fit of melancholy on the bridge."

"yu always could have come up ta visit, ya know. not like wer thousands of kilometers apart these days."

"Would it have helped? Honestly?"

"i dunno," you sigh, settling down on the table - in a straddle split, blocking him from most of his paraphernalia without reaching around you.

Dirk wouldn't do that. He put down the piece he had by your thigh, almost daring you to brush it off the table. And you could resist that impulse. For a while.

All you had to do was not draw attention to the troll sneaking up behind him.

####  [==> Meenah: Attack](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343160)


	17. Meenah: Attack

Meenah jumped on Dirk, trying to go for the tickle. He responded, calmly, with a quick series of hand swats, ending after a dozen attempts by grabbing her wrist, twisting, and flinging her across the room.

She swirled through the air, laughing.

You cringe a little bit. You were never one to roughhouse like that - even if you spared with carapaces every so often as a kid.

You can just imagine your younger self crumpling against the floor after a throw like that, "ya know, yu can let her like yu too."

"I hear her laughing. Anyways, it's not like I'm going to actually train her before we know our situation."

"i mean... stand down, soldier. chillax. for alll we kno at this point, wer gona be all the family we got on earth."

Meenah was back. They repeated the process, the troll trying to tickle, the boy deflecting her hands as they came. It certainly didn't appear like the first time they'd done this routine, did it? The troll twisted in the air as she flew away again.

"And yet it seems like too much."

"too mych what?"

"Family. Carapaces, trolls, humans. Too many variables."

"variables... yu don't worry about variables. thats hals job, isnt it? or..." you had certainly noticed his broken shades before now. It was an odd divergence form his normal style, to keep something broken.

"My auto-responder? It's fried. It's staying fried-" his voice gets... wobbly. For all of two syllables.

"hal dosnt haf to-"

"'Hal', as it referred to itself, was the creation of a lonely child in the middle of an endless ocean. To serve a purpose, which you extended his life beyond. Now..." He was searching for words. That was rare enough.

####  [==> But He is not Stopping, is He](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343190)


	18. But He is not Stopping, is He

"I really don't... feel it would make any difference. Like maybe there was a point where Hal was essential, timely - but that moment has passed."

Meenah came back for another round. Dirk grabbed her by the wrists again - and paused, staring at her eyes, starting to get impatient. He flipped her into the air a third time.

"I should put a sword in her." It wasn't a loud statement, or a mad one, just what he saw as obvious, "You're the reason I didn't."

"dirk..."

"Through her and myself. Make sure justice has the time it needs to catch up with us."

"dirk, stop it. just stop it. yr not evil."

"Oh, I'm not saying I'm evil. I'm just saying-" he fell silent for a long moment. The throw had been strong enough that Meenah had finally thudded against the far hangar wall, her loud laughing just reaching their ears.

"Tell me, Roxy. What do you think being a father - a mother would be like?"

"eff if i kno. but yr not proposing anything now, after all these years, are you?" You shrink back the slightest bit - not that there's much room on the workbench to do so.

"No. Even if I was sure you personally were going to birth humans instead of monsters..." He looked over the edge of his broken shades, "I'm not sure any of us could. I mean metaphorically. As leaders, as gods."

"cept gods never lead, to they? jus give ppl stories to gossip over. always the past."

"ʀᴏᴄsʜᴇ! ᴄᴏᴍᴇ sᴇᴇ!" Meenah yelled from... somewhere at the end of the hangar.

You sigh. Maybe you should break out the GameCube and see if you can interest the troll in staying in one place for a bit. You consider just what is appropriate way to get over to whatever the troll has found. You could just float over in the straddle split.

The buzzer that sounds off makes you forget the thought. You glance over at Dirk - he's already moving.

The buzzer sounds again. It sounds a lot like... a countdown.

Uh oh.

####  [==> PANIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343223)


	19. PANIC

By the third time the buzzer has sounded, you've flown across the length of the hangar, desperately searching for the troll. Dirk is right there beside you.

The wall is rumbling. Something is opening up.

You search for anything... crawling. No. There's a flashing patch of light up above. And... Handholds. Go go go.

The hatch is only partially open - why didn't you see anything here earlier? You had combed this ship.

Dirk is beside you, "PUSH."

You both throw your weight into the hatch - no, it's gotten wedged. Dirk's saying something - rapping something - a crowbar appears out of his Sylladex. He jams it in and trows is weight into the leverage.

You try and peer in. It looks... bad. Unused. But you see something down at the bottom.

"DIRK." You grab him and turn his head downwards... "is that what i think it is? an i dont mean master chief's sleeper got a paint job."

"Ok, so the shrimp squeezed in. Some Condesce DNA trigger, perhaps? If we can't get in, she couldn't fit-"

"MEENAH!" You shout at - it's a ship. It has to be a spaceship. A tiny dingy in a sea of stars, "MEENAH, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Something moves on the glass bit - it's hazed over. But you're certain. that's a hand. Pounding against the glass.

The fourth time the buzzer sounds, the ship moves. It slowly clanks toward the outer wall.

"Can you teleport to her?" Dirk isn't shouting. He's... too cool for you in situations like these.

"what? no." you try and force your way into the crack. Maybe you could... turn on the void putty mode somehow. Ooze though. But then that tiny ship had to have it's own hatch-

"Roxy. Can the Rogue of Void teleport other players?"

You feel yourself losing control for a second. The buzzer is sounding again. Dirk is shaking you - more gently than you thought he could.

"Roxy. Pull Request. Just focus on Meenah - make sure she's Ok," He covers your ears - it doesn't block out the next alarm, but it does something.

You can read his lips.

"Focus."

####  [==> Search deep inside yourself. Mentally.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343250)


	20. Search deep inside yourself. Mentally.

> Define "Pull Request"

< A player using the Pull Request power will be translated to another player or location.

> Can one player pull request another player to themselves?

< Please rephrase

Why couldn't the database in you head have more triggers than they did.

> Maximum count pull request players

< 1

...Well. Just what was that "one" for, exactly. Just you? A plus one?

You were knocked out of the database. Momentarily dazed.

It was wind.

You were being pulled against it.

You fly towards Dirk, who has you by the arm. The hatch. It can't seal properly either.

What. WHAT.

You pull a kiddie pool from your ass. More from the void - but habit is habit. It manages to hit the leaking hatch just right, then collapses under the difference in air pressure. Still, it's a temporary improvement.

Dirk is hugging you.

It's so weird a sensation. You don't hug him back.

"Go to Meenah. I'll prep to seal the hangar. Maybe we can seal the hatch - but if you can't back quick enough. Don't worry about it. Just-"

He looks you in the eyes. You feel weird, "Go to Meenah. Bring her back."

####  [==> UN-PANIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343271)


	21. UN-PANIC

You have your job.

And as soon as you picture yourself by Meenah, there you are.

The ship is cramped. The ship is tumbling - you're thrown against the glass of the cockpit, but not too hard.

The troll is panicked. Crying. You hug her. And with an unnatural calmness, you stroke her hair, calm her down. Try and decipher the tiny room you're in.

It's black outside. Stars whiz by in arcs. Occasionally, a red ship joins them. At least it's still in sight.

The cabin is lit up by green panels. There are relatively shallow wells to either side - joysticks deep in them.

"meens. cn you read any of this?" You try and be as gentle as you can. You point her face towards the panels, towards the buttons.

You don't understand her reply. But it doesn't sound confident.

"ok, lets just see if we cn fly back, ok?"

You're trying to understand the layout of this ship. It felt Condesce-sized. Barely. You look hard at the contours... she would have had to practically fold in half to get in here.

No, not practically, literally. Feet reaching for the joysticks. Bent backwards to fit in the space provided - you look towards the back of the ship - yes, horn scratches. Back away from the panels of buttons, there were horn scratches in the felt above the window. Anybody out of the know would think the ship too small for her to fit in, unless they themselves were sentient goo.

"meens, you're up here." You push her back towards the horn scratches, and manage to gold yourself like the Condesce would have - head popping through you legs to see the stars pass by the cockpit window.

It's not sized for you. But if you get your arms just right, your face isn't smashing int the control panel, and you can feel the joysticks with your toes.

You try to lean them in different directions. One of your attempts finally gets the stars to slow in their spinning - but there are no thrusters. Or not nearly enough.

The battleship drifts further and further away.

You can't wait any longer.

####  [==> Bring her back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343295)


	22. Bring her back

You won't risk leaving Meenah alone again.

"hey meens, cn i show yu a cool star?"

You straighten out from your backbend - a thing you have enough space to do in this cockpit, though the Condesce certainly would not have - and hug her again, making sure her eyes buried in your chest. You... don't want Meenah to see what you thought was the only means you had to teleport. Before a few minutes ago.

You did this many, many times just - what, two months ago? But the GREEN SUN feels so far away.

You hug Meenah tightly. And go back. Across realities. Across paradox space. And pop back into the green light.

It's so comforting to see it again. So... refreshing.

Thankfully, there are more landmarks than just the hole itself. Your freaking flashing arrow is still there - a thing you decided to bring into existance on a whim - the portal you're looking for is anchored to the end of the thing.

And now to have a moment of fear. The Condesce wouldn't have left the other end of the portal - the mobile bit - on Derse, would she? A last minute pickup after successfully going god tier. Or Skaia - which would be so much as a dead cinder by now.

No.

There was light through it.

There was sound. Faint, but rhythmic. Like the bowels of the ship.

The pan - the now literally bottomless pan this gap in spacetime connected to - was wedged between other paraphernalia. You try and push, react through the minor space allowed, tug at it's edges, while Meenah slowly starts to grow concerned.

"Can we go back?" she paused, trying to sound confident, looking into the black of paradox space, "Soon we go back?"

Finally, the pan was knocked free.

You sigh and relax, letting Meenah see your relief. "yeppers, lets go back."

You let the troll go first, following as soon as she has rolled out of the way.

The room you enter is familiar.

The two tone purples of Derse - but not on Derse. Antique exercise machines jammed together, almost all with you have used in some way.

Meenah is staring at a pair of posters on the wall, yellowed with age.

They feature two of the lives lived by Betty Crocker.

#### GOOD END ?


	23. Go for a Strike

They're coming quick - make it count.

You crash through the pins in a blur. Finally releasing your feet and allowing yourself to roll out flat on the catwalk.

Wait. You weren't supposed to do that. Um. You quickly twist your arms behind your back, elbows catching each other and locking into place.

You have enough practice standing up without the use of your arms, with or without floating option.

Meenah seems satisfied enough.

But. You didn't get a strike. Two pins survived your onslaught.

"It do not look like you won."

"its not an easy game," you're a little glad you didn't say anything beforehand - and realize your position isn't the greatest for setting up the pins again, "you think you can get the rest fer a spare?"

"A spare what?"

"i _meen_ , do ya think you can knock down the ones that are left? lyk i did?" You gingerly nudge the fallen pins to the side with your foot.

####  [==> Meenah: try it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343646)


	24. Then Get On with it, Kid

####  [==> Find some other way to play with Meenah](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343880)

####  [==> What is Dirk up to](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343757)

####  [==> What is Jane up to](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47342899)

####  [==> Visit Jake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343958)


	25. Got Tiger Powers, Activate

Ok. You just have to fit your whole body - or enough of it - through a space the size of your neck. And a waistline that isn't significantly larger.

"Intersectionality". Ok. It's just a mental switch to flip.

And nothing happens when you flip it.

That's a relief.

One question is if you lose more to the void-putty with the other power on. Well, you're going to have to give up space anyways - you slam your hip against the wall.

The fabric is loose. Crap. You grab at the fabric quickly, and in the very limited space you have, kick up. Something works, and your knee and waistline feel... that recognizable sort of oddness you've felt before, of two pieces of anatomy occupying the same space.

Now you just got to get it the rest of the way.

You lift your leggy real high.

It admittedly is a horrible feeling, your foot dipping _through_ your chest. But it's fast enough that the tightness never lets up - which is a good thing in this case. The toes of your foot, straining, find the line of your collar, and finally you have space to straighten your leg.

Your vision only blurs for a second as toes pass through your eyes. You've experienced grosser stuff.

But your foot now pops up from your head, wetsuit-less, messing with your hairline and hearing. If you had more space, you could just try and kick down now - but the tube's width won't allow that - and you don't want to risk two attempts. It's easy enough to force a backbend, grabbing one on the false paths, sliding your split legs against the opposite wall-

The wetsuit resists. So you just push harder with your flight powers.

It finally gives - like it did when you put it on. Your chest peals back away from your leg, more putty-look than skin in you quick glance - but you finally feel the air on your bust.

The whole outfit seems to snap back, and while you aren't free yet, your leg is free enough to push the rest of the wetsuit away from your body.

You just leave it there. You're exhausted. You need to get out of that tunnel while you can.

You see light, slump out. Carapace eyes are on you. But you're too passed out to care.

####  [==> Recover](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343919)


	26. Have second thoughts

You had never figured out _why_ there were mirrors every so often along the hallway - The Condesce's vanity? A measure against boarding parties? A surreptitious place to monitor passers-by? But you pause in front of one of them.

Welp. That be a Roxy.

You can remember being told black was thinning - right before Jane had told you that you were really too thin to wear it. And... maybe you should agree. Your legs were a bit too bony. And the shadow of your ribs were pretty visible through the pink bands in the material. There were even missing ribs' scar patterns visible through the stuff, which you can't quite figure out how. In a god tier cloak, not that you'd intentionally consider it, this would immediately mean material thickening, loosening, padding. It was one thing to intentionally show off your body, another to have its imperfections stare back at you.

And. Something about the cut of the garment really did remind you of the Condesce, even if it was not quite her color, and the Pisces symbol. But She had sweeps and sweeps to work on her figure.

Well. Maybe this outfit was something you could work your way up to later. Like, after you all had gotten to earth.

You slip back to the exercise room's entrance shaft, don't wast any time in taking it's turns this round. It all seems the slightest bit more roomy.

Back in your secure changing quarters, you tug at the neckline.

And while you can definitely find the neck seam, you can't seem to get a finger, or even a claw... nail... under it.

Frick.

It doesn't feel glued on. Just... tight. You turn your attention to a hand, trying to work your arm up the sleeve. Maybe it would be easier to push open from the inside. But... the strings between your fingers are stuck in place.

It could have been a trap. Really, there had been no sign of how long the wetsuits had been sitting there. Or... maybe this was some side effect. It still felt like there was fabric moving over your skin, even if you couldn't get any air between the two. You think for a moment - maybe a twist of your torso? Just to see how the fabric would react - and, it was one of the few moves you could do to your limits in the confines of the tube.

So you ratchet your top half clockwise, feet carefully braced against the sides of the tube, feeling your intestines slipping around to accommodate. The wetsuit bunches up with your skin - then smoothes out on it's own as you hold your chest in its twisted state.

It was adapting. That made some sense. Just how it was adapting - that would need some study. It certainly wasn't a woven material, though. That might explain the tightness, though. Optimizing for your form.

You relax the twist, your chest twisting counterclockwise to straighten out. The material bunched up again - smoothed out again... Your waist is not supposed to be that tiny.

Morbid curiosity kicked in. You turn counterclockwise further, mirroring your previous trick. Cloth wrinkles reappeared as your chest realigned with your posterior - and faded. It felt tight - then it didn't. Your waist was even tinier.

And you straighten out. Cloth wrinkles, pressure, wrinkles smooth, pressure disappears. And unless you are getting lightheaded from the action, your waist is now smaller now than when Jane had had her hands wrapped around it a few days ago.

Oh. When you had been pummeled into Void-putty. Uh oh.

####  [==> Seeking out people. You should do that.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343826)

####  [==> Consult the manual](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343574)

####  [==> GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343658)


	27. Focus

You stare at the typewriter intently. You can see it's history. One owner before Crocker got it. 1952. Assembly. Molding. Pressing. Cutting. Plasticizers. Forging. Sitting in the earth. A conifer from the Jurassic era. So much life and death. The Earth boils. Stars congeal and explode. All matter heats up, packing in to a-

A USB port pops into existence where you're staring. You whip up a flash drive and pop it in - its LED lights up, and you type a few more words. Just a quick keyboard test. You'll confirm in the text file later.

Mission complete. You grab and swap the flash drive with a blank one, and feed the previous sheet back in. Some mention of teenage memories. You promise yourself you will read it when it gets to paperback.

You dodge back in the hall and, with a quick thought, kick your leg back and tuck it under your chin - with nothing else to do at the moment, might as well hop on over to the mess hall. It should be dinnertime soon.

#### GOOD END


	28. Refuse

"dirk. no. if you need to talk through somthing, im here for you. lets throw down all ar feeling in a big feelin pile. rite now. meens, can we have a minute?"

After Meenah jumps to the ground, you plop down on the empty space on Dirk's work bench, making yourself comfortable. And by comfortable, you pull your knot a tighter to get your crossed ankles off you neck and further down your back.

"cmon, havva seat," you push back a few dodads to make more space on the workbench beside you.

Dirk sighs in response. Meenah defiantly has a look of being out of place - she wanders down the length of the hangar, interesting herself in one of the larger pieces of stripped down hull. Nothing down here works.

"It wouldn't matter if I said we shouldn't be doing this now, would it?"

"if not now, den when? we havnt talked in weeks. an im shur letting them thought steew alone in that thinkpan is startin to wear you out."

"Well, you know where I've been. But I suppose the cat in you protects you from lack of intellectual stimulation."

"haw haw."

"Have you been planning for what's ahead?"

"how can we rlly do that? right now im just trying ta make shur a trolllet likes me more than shed like another troll that looks.... yeah."

"If I asked, would you tell me what your ideal situation was?"

"lyk, where werere going?"

"Yeah."

"lots of people? no batterbitch? or maybe some alternate universe batterbitch thats actually nice? an idunno. supposedly my ancestors house usd to be in the woods. with birds an critters everywhere. that sounds nice. i guess yurs was in a city?"

"Yeah. I think it'd prefer the anonymity, you know. Hiding in a crowd. If we find cities."

"i wonder if theyd have sbahj."

"An inhabited world without SBAHJ? Scandalous. We'd have to like, leak stuff on the web."

"what if... its like anchient times. with no webernet."

"Then I will personally pull a digital movie theater from your ass and say I invented it."

You crack up, "dunno how deep youd haf to dive for that."

"As long as I can make sure NTSC never comes to exist, I'll brave the other deep shit."

"ewwwwwww"

"Think it would work?"

"i dont think theres another shitty universe inside of me, if that's what ya mean by work. i cn work on a projector if you really want one."

"I have tried, actually. The Alchemiters haven't cooperated."

"now that you remined me... i made a promice to jane about whipping up somthing for her."

"Oh? Well you're free to do that now if it's urgent. I'll even keep an eye on Meenah for a bit."

"actualy i think she may be the perfect distracton. meens? hey, you seen daddy-o lately?"

You hear Dirk give a sigh - it's another note of discontent - but opt to ignore it. Meenah bounds up.

"No, I no see him since last night."

"lets go see what hes doing den. thanks dirky, but im sure well make it back again soon."

Another sigh, but he nods. If he won't tell you what the actual problem is, you can't help. You've acknowledged that.

But Jane _has_ told you one of her problems.

####  [==> Dad is where he almost always is](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343907)


	29. TRY YOURS ON

Looking over the set of wetsuits, it was pretty obvious which of the four was supposed to be yours - the pink-shouldered one looked like it'd fit you to a tee. Or a W? Honestly, though, your curiosity over just what it would feel like to wear was not something to be ignored

Jake gets a look of ... what you hope is uncertainty as you remove the garment from it's place on the cache's wall - he wasn't looking at the garment, You noted, but your twisted butt.

A butt, clothed in blue, stretched around from back to front given your legs' current position. Your don't really want to know exactly what he was thinking.

"im just gonna go an... slip into this"

"Wouldn't that be disregarding your bet?"

"jakie. a new outfit. no courtlll convic me."

Your don't excuse herself. Fly off. Is there any place on this ship you wouldn't be disturbed? Officers Quarters? The Bridge? The Head? The Dock? No, there were only two places on ship you could depend on actual privacy - something none of the godtiers had considered when they knew they could change their clothes on a whim.

The Condesce' quarters. Which none of you know how anyone is supposed to get into.

And the exercise room which had a locked door... half way through a brutally curved entrance shaft. The shaft itself was empty. And by empty, The entrance was unreachable by a gravity bound creature less than 2 meters tall, and the shaft's twists and turns were sharp enough that one could only imagine a large snake taking them.

But a floating Contortionist could navigate the route, and in one long span a few turns in, the tube was long and wide enough to straighten out and actually have some room to move. Undressing is a mere thought, or rather, reducing a god tier cloak to a bracelet on the wrist. Pulling on the wetsuit - well, the intent seems to be to enter it through the neck hole. This would be awkward enough but for it's stretch - at least the fabric would be able to keep up with your bending - but the tube didn't leave enough space to touch one's toes in the normal manner.

Eventually, after a few too many time slapping your face into the shaft's curved wall trying to reach towards your toes, you succeed, pulling the wetsuit's curves into place to conform to your own. It was warm - clingy. It felt like it could be a size larger and still hug your body just fine.

You feel... more awake. Stimulated. Which might be the feeling of tightness, of support, or perhaps just the excitement of the new garb. Something that hadn't required you void powers, the study and concentration those required.

You do have a passing thought, wishing the wetsuit was footless. And maybe you would omit the threads now between your fingers, holding the sleeve in place, were an odd - if not distracting - touch. But, you could always get another opinion.

The curves of the shaft give you no more trouble exiting than entering, going from the stale entrance air to the stale hallway air.

####  [==> Seek out Jake (again)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343892)

####  [==> Seek out Dirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343805)

####  [==> Seek out Jane](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343934)

####  [==> Have second thoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343424)


	30. Meenah: Work hard!

Meenah shouted at the pots that were staying dirty, taking a moment to walk around the table and fume - and checking you are still keeping up your twisted bet.

"muah" you blow the troll a quick kiss when it becomes obvious she's keeping her distance. She just looks at you madly - though maybe a bit calmer then before.

"hows it goin meens?"

"It hard. But I will do it," she walks back to the sink a bit faster, and sprays down a particularly burnt pot again.

The next few minutes go by in relative silence, save for the sloshing of water.

"yu shouldnt do it."

"Do...?" Jane is finished with the lettuce, and seems to be getting the ingredients for whatever that salad dressing she likes is... the stuff that tastes a bit like bad wine.

"Shouldn't start up the company again."

"No? Honestly that sounds irresponsible. Just to let all that-"

"power. go."

"I suppose 'letting that power go' is a way to say it."

"it sust seems wird - maid of life wanting other people to plant her garden? weird."

"I didn't mean anything by it - I mean - these carapaces are used to a queen."

"an all the ppl needin a 17 year old as queen of the world? bcaus thats what i rember her bein. an p much everyone died."

Jane sighed, and started to shake up the flask of mixed ingredients as you finally finish with your assigned chopping. To keep your hands free, you pull your foot up your back and tuck it under your chin.

"We may be forced to."

"then let em force us- just dont force yorself."

Jane... hesitated. You dump your dices vegetables in with the rest of the salad and mix things up.

"Meenah?"

"Yes?"

"Can you ring the dinner bell? That's enough cleaning for now."

#### GOOD END ?


	31. Disagree

Far be it from you to be the voice or reason but- Oh, he's already yanked off a panel.

####  [==> Check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343949)


	32. Agree

Oh, were you going to say something? Jake had already yanked off a panel.

####  [==> Check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343949)


	33. Consult the manual

Did Jake mention finding anything *with* the wetsuits? No. He hadn't.

Stay calm. Breathe slowly. There had to be some sort of means of deactivation. Or... No, if YOU were disappearing, there had to be some way to stop the process.

You try to get as far from the walls as you can - if this thing was shrinking you on it's own, only bad things could happen by bumping into things. Not that there was that much space to be had.

The databases of spritely knowledge didn't need any time to whir to life metaphorically. They were just there. Waiting for the right question. But closing your eyes always helped.

> How do you turn off void powers

< Please rephrase

You wished that the spellchecking of the database systems would flow into your speech patterns more frequently. Sometimes.

> What passive protections does a Void player have

< There are 12 classes available. Show all?

> No

> What passive protections does a Rogue of Void player have

< See "Intersectionality", "Pull Request", "Scope Creep"

Ok, progress.

> Define "Intersectionality"

< Players with the Intersectionality power can intentionally overlap part of there character model to fit into smaller spaces. Overlap does not effect other models (See "No Clip"). Other powers are not effected. No damage reduction. Effect must be manually enabled, then will remain on in a passive state until manually disabled.

That one she knew. And really, it was tempting no to turn it on at times while she was practicing, and couldn't quite get a move to work. Unlike floating - which they all had - you'd mostly avoided it.

> Define "Pull Request"

< This record is locked

Not this locked stuff again.

> Define "Scope Creep"

< Players with the Scope Creep power will have their character's model offset to avoid damage. This offset is applied passively, and will remain in effect until damaging model is removed from proximity.

> Disable "Scope Creep"

< Please rephrase

> Advise "Scope Creep"

< You might want to stop doing that to get your [anatomy] back.

Well frick. That section wasn't encouraging. But, it at least confirmed the idea that it was an interaction of godtier powers and whatever the wetsuit was made of - and not necessarily a trap. Just a coincidence.

Could it get tight enough to push you all the way into the void? Or like, just leave you a head floating around, maybe controlling a set of fingers? No, even that would only be temporary, if it made it that far, as it could still be attached to her neck... however it was attaching itself, if not glued on.

No. Don't panic. Think.

Skin moved freely underneath. The neck hole - as small as it was - existed, unlike foot holes, and was bigger than the individual finger holes. Jake had once joked - was it joking? - that a cat could get through any hole it's scull could get through. It was the kind of scull fact that bloke would know. The the scull hadn't gone through the hole, though, Jake, what good were your facts now?

But you would either need to work her way out of the suit through the neck at the size it was, or she'd have to coax it wider.

You take a quick inventory before the attempt. Your waist is... really thin, admittedly, but you might be able to work it open again. Any sign of your tail had disappeared. That took a moment to absorb. You still had toes. No kicking anything, you mutter to herself.

####  [==> Got Tiger Powers, Activate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343382)


	34. Craven and Imperious

There's a static in your ears, and patterns dance across your vision. It takes a while to focus, but you remember the feeling. It's a few long moments before the word comes to mind - resurrection.

You manage to decipher a few words amidst the noise.

"You don't want to gawk at a naked lady as she revives, do you?" 

Not that these stir anything more in your mind. A God Tier's resurrection doesn't leave the participant much faculty to appreciate it.

When your vision resolves, you finally recognize the ceiling. The mess hall ceiling. That seems right. Stale air tinged of... fresh blood. You salivate.

In the same moment you shift to look at it's source - some large fraction of a body tightly wrapped in a wetsuit, slowly bleeding out of the stump of neck where it's head should be - you realize that you've managed to resurrect nude, in public, and desperately want to taste that blood.

The last thought you manage not to respond to as the blue raiment envelops you - a bit looser than before, perhaps. 

You glance at the table. Jane and Jake are trying not to watch, to pretend the food is what they're paying attention to. Dirk doesn't care to hide the direction of his gaze.

"i guss i should clean this up."

"It can wait," Dirk glances over to the carapaces still in the room, which have calmed down, "You should eat something first."

Rather than let it sit, you captchalogue your corpse immediately. That makes two in your sylladex.

"Dirk," Jane is making every attempt to look unaffected - and not look at where you were just laying, "The blood is your responsibility. You _could_ have taken her to the showers. And goodness knows what we'd have to deal with it Meenah were here."

"Sure, whatever bro." Even though his response is directed at Jane, you cringe as you settle down to the table.

"And sterilize. Hydrogen Peroxide should do the job."

The smell of blood is still strong. You try the salad before you, but it's not what you're drooling for. The room is quiet enough you're sure you hear the dripping of blood into drains.

"Dirk?"

"Right, Jane, Hydrogen Peroxide, if you insist."

"I do. Right after dinner. There is no good reason to leave these accidents out on display."

#### GOOD END (?)


	35. Shove Off and find Jane

"i meen, if that's what yu want... but I spect to see you at dinner."

He nodded and turned back to his table.

You sigh, "lets go, meens."

Meenah seems to have caught a whiff of depression as you sail back into the hallway, "He Oh Kay?"

"dunno. hes usully the one that decides if hes ok or not."

####  [==> Proceed to suspected location](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343967)


	36. Meenah: try it

Meenah... makes an attempt. 

Several, in fact.

You do try and help - eventually switching crossed arms for crossed legs as you try and guide her through the backbend - but, in part due to horns, she keeps faceplanting as opposed to rolling forward.

You do have to admit, you have no idea how The Condesce was able to get her horns through that roll - they were frikking pipes as long as her arms. Was it something to do with how she held her neck? Or something about troll anatomy you failed to realize - do troll's horns pivot?

Her corpse... is in your sylladex. You have no idea where would be private - and large enough - to examine the potential options on the ship. You certainly aren't going to pull it out in Meenah's presence.

Meenah.

She's getting angry, with her repeated failures.

Before you have the opportunity to calm her down, she runs off.

You search the halls for her, With no success before you hear the dinner bell.

#### GOOD END ?


	37. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

Wait. Where did your tail get to. Did it just... disappear when you put this thing on?

You frantically start trying to rip the cloth off. Every gouge at your flesh, every yank, every slam upon the containing walls, deforms what's left of your body underneath the wetsuit - the suit shrinks to compensate, but any gap you manage to create is only temporary.

This does not calm you down.

Crazed, you fly up the shaft, smashing your head up against the next turn - or you might have, had your body not already been pushing into the void. For you know, the dim world just went grey. And you panic even further. Out. You have to get out. Get somewhere. So, blindly, you try to make her way down the shaft - completely disoriented, running into curved walls, and every bounce off the walls pushing a little more of you out of real space and into the darkness of the void, where it would be protected from the unknown assailant.

~

The author regrets to inform you, you do not calm down in time to make sense of your situation.

~

It was a few hours later when Dirk was asking if anyone else had heard a rattling around "the sweat box" lately. Nobody had - but it was still there when he returned to investigate.

The moment he opened the door for the entrance shaft, something black and marble-sized flew at him. Not thinking, he caught from the air and, as it tried to bounce away, he captchalogued it. Looking down the shaft - he heard nothing. But the shaft twisted in on itself so quickly it looked either ready to flush, or some other trap. Maybe he could get Roxy to examine it later. She was pretty good at getting into nooks and crannies - and he was sure she'd already been in this one.

It was the two days later before he thought to ask if anyone had seen Roxy.

#### BAD END


	38. Whine

"jak... jake this is yr fault. im a skeleton man now. haf man haf skeleton."

"Is that a CRIKEY LALONDE PUT SOME CLothes... on. Oh. What's um. Happening here?" Jake is looking the slightest bit like he's having a stroke.

"I don't think they were there for that one." Dirk scratches at his nose, for a moment, "Not your best look either. I mean, it's a little lacking in the 'look like you should be able to stand up' department."

Jane brought her hands together to form a circle, With a face full of concern. You float over and crane her neck up, shaking your own head and repeatedly mouthing 'no'.

It takes Jane a moment to calm down, but she eventually turns back to the other two - Dirk, intently waiting for an explanation, Jake, who looked like he had snuck another few bites of mashed potatoes.

"he did tel yu all about the wetsuits, rite?"

Dirk responds with a shake of his head.

"wel, so im guessin it was a gifta some sort for us an not a trap, but i seem to have a mild gotiger allergic reaction to tight fittin clothing," you attempt to run your finger underneath her collar to demonstrate, "an it wont com off. yu all would probably just be stuck in it. but i'm stuck and shrinking."

"Oh, is that all? I'd be glad to help," Dirk stands up, circling around the table to take a closer look, "Nothing above the neck then."

Jake contemplates for a moment, "Does that mean that suit could reduce you to... A cat's eye?"

You get the mild impression of Carapaces shouting - or shrilly screaming - before things go black. Why would they do that? What was happening?

####  [==> Craven and Imperious](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343613)


	39. Go for a Spare

They're coming quick - make it count.

You crash through the pins in a blur. Finally releasing your feet.

Wait. You weren't supposed to do that. Um. You quickly twist your arms behind your back, elbows catching each other and locking into place.

You have enough practice standing up without the use of your arms, with or without floating option.

Meenah seems satisfied enough.

But. Whoops. All the pins are down. Damn it Rox, can't even throw a game properly. You'd throw your hat to the floor if you were wearing a hat and your arms weren't tied behind your back. Theoretically your goggles would hit the ground, but - that wouldn't be a satisfying _PAF_ , would it?

Such is the life of a Gamer.

Meenah looks impressed. Until she notices you looking at her. Then she's totally not impressed at all.

"ya wanna try"

"I wanna knock down... more. That not enough many."

"ten pins is whats in the game, meens."

"It not good game then."

"ya knock them down a few times."

But she'd already wandering off. You glance at the mess of pins. You'll put them away later.

####  [==> Follow Her](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343733)


	40. Follow Her

She's not walking too fast - and not really avoiding you - but she's definitely leading you away from the bowling paraphernalia.

Neither of you talk. But, the lower hangar entrance catches her attention quickly. Tired of walking, she floats up and dashes in. That's fine. Dirk's there.

Meenah "wanders" up the long deck. Dirk glances back towards you, nods. Seems like an invitation, even if her immediately returns his attention to one of the objects on his makeshift workbench.

####  [==> Hey Dirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343151)


	41. Take the stairs

Meenah's starting to catch up. This should slow her down.

...Ok. this is harder than you remember. Or maybe you remember going up stairs, not down them. Maybe just a little bit of floating to make sure -

_Wham. The troll knocks her face into your leg and you capsize. In your last lucid moment, you think to fly up - but you've already flipped over. Your falling._

__

Falling.

__

It keeps happening.

To be fair, this should be a game over, but you might not have been warned. So really,

__

####  [==> You should have gone right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343118)

__


	42. What is Dirk up to

"strait on til morning kippr"

Meenah gives you a grossed out look, but keeps up with her rowing. You... actually hadn't seen Dirk in a while. It's a reasonable assumption it's because he really didn't like the idea of keeping any version of Meenah around, even if he did follow through on his part of the plan - for your sake.

Oh, you'd get a quick question every so often from the hangar deck - of the game relevant sort, but other than that - maybe a glance at meals, since you had started eating again.

Meenah boops your nose. OH. You'd started to dip downwards - the carapace were acting even weirder.

"woops, sorry hun. hey, dyo talk to dirkie much?"

"I say... yes."

"yeas, huh? wanna see whats up with him?"

"Oh Kay."

####  [==> Arrive Unexpectedly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343847)


	43. Follow

You are neck and neck - impressive, since she's smaller. The thought flashes though your mind that you could cheat by calling out an arbitrary end, but you want her to trust you, not bragging rights.

"first ta the old ships wins!" You shout, the light of the hangar deck door not to far ahead.

Meenah gets to the door first - and very obviously turns and waits before entering. You're - almost there -

And she jumps in, making very sure it's obvious who won.

Well.

You peek in. There's Dirk at his workbench. He glances up, nods, glances back down. Well, that's an invitation if you ever saw one.

####  [==> Hey Dirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343151)


	44. Seek out Dirk

Oh, good, they're all in the mess hall, the author doesn't have to write three variants of this.

The wetsuit pressing in on you with every move you make. It's... wrong.

####  [==> Whine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343691)


	45. Seeking out people. You should do that.

Yeah, this seems like a problem that could use a second opinion. But Who?

####  [==> Seek out Jake (again)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343892)

####  [==> Seek out Dirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343805)

####  [==> Seek out Jane](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343934)


	46. Arrive Unexpectedly

Dirk... Seems surprised to see you.

And by "seems surprised", he is testing the mechanical tolerance of some spare alien part he found at his impromptu workbench for a full minute after you know he's heard your approach, before nonchalantly turning around to act surprised.

"Hello Dirk!" Meenah waves at him, still on her perch on your belly.

"Hello Meenah. Find anything interesting lately?"

She checks her hands - and her pockets, "Nope."

"Oh, well."

"whacha got going on?"

He twitches a bit a Roxy's voice, and seems on the verge of saying something for several long moments before replying, "Just trying to work through some thoughts. Not to be rude, but... could you find somewhere else to play for now?"

####  [==> Refuse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343490)

####  [==> Shove Off and find Jane](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343628)

####  [==> Shove Off and find Jake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47344000)


	47. Find some other way to play with Meenah

"meens, what do you wanna do?"

"I want..."

"yas?"

"to play a game."

"thanks meens... you know what. i got an idea. janie taught me a game once... well need like. a lane. in the engine room. lets go."

####  [==> Let's go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343940)


	48. Seek out Jake (again)

Oh, good, they're all in the mess hall, the author doesn't have to write three variants of this.

The wetsuit pressing in on you with every move you make. It's... wrong.

####  [==> Whine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343691)


	49. Dad is where he almost always is

After a quick thought, you opt to get out of your "boating" frontbend, letting Meenah ride through the halls on your back. You've done the chair thing before, and don't mind it, even if it mean she plays with your hair and ears more.

There are a few bedrooms for officers, jammed together. Close enough that they could all be gassed in one swoop, you realize, but you aren't looking at mutiny any time soon.

"PIST"

"yeah meens?"

"Are Rocsee and Dirk... pale?"

Honestly, you wonder if anyone else on the ship would understand the question. You sort of wish you didn't. You also wish you just heard it right, because if you didn't - there were rumors.

"i don think so huns. i dunno iffed he pale with anybody but himself."

"Oh." She didn't actually sound that interested. You tried to assure yourself that yes, she had said "pale" and not "pail". Which apparently meant something different entirely.

While Dad's Cabin had a bunk, he didn't have any regular roommates. He was up in long stretches, and down for long stretches. But... the light shown through the door window at the moment.

You still need a plan. You pass by the entrance, giving yourself a moment to scheme.

And nothing comes to mind the first time around. Maybe it's Meenah's fingers at your hair and ears distracting you.

Right, Meenah can distract.

"hey meens. did ya know there is a supprise in the kitchen?"

"A Supp... A Supplies? What is that?"

"its a special thing for mr crocker. but shh. its a secret."

"A SECRET? Tell Meenah. Now."

"but its for mr. crocker. not for meenah," you feel claws dig into your hair. And, the troll jumps off. Without any pretenses, she goes straight to Mr. Crocker's cabin and starts shouting.

####  [==> Meenah: Find the secret of the secret](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343913)


	50. Meenah: Find the secret of the secret

You dodge into one of the other cabins to wait out the discussion - not that you just hide behind a closed door.

SECRET IN KITCHEN. Meenah's near-shouting easily reverberated through the hall.

 _Of course_ he doesn't know what the troll is talking about. He tries to jet her to tell him this is one of Jane's pranks - and she truthfully asks where Jane is.

Thankfully, the secret comes back to mind before she loses her train of thought. And, consequently, drag Jane's Dad out of the cabin in a direction he can remember better than she can.

The coast is clear.

####  [==> Objective: Typewriter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47344009)


	51. Recover

You're in bed. The lower bunk. Officer's Quarters - the beds you've been sharing with the other kids. Tucked in pretty tightly.

Jake is dozing in the chair beside you. It looks like he's been crying, to be honest.

And carapaces. Awake. Looking relieved. One reaches up - to take your temperature. A motion you remember happening a few times in the past. Familiar.

They're relieved.

You sit up - ah. Apparently you never switched the god tier clothes back on after escaping the tunnel. Well, if you're honest, that's noting a carapace wouldn't have seen before anyways.

You give them all quick hugs and thank them - before complying with their urging and returning to bed.

#### GOOD END


	52. Seek out Jane

Oh, good, they're all in the mess hall, the author doesn't have to write three variants of this.

The wetsuit pressing in on you with every move you make. It's... wrong.

####  [==> Whine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343691)


	53. Let's go

You have wondered, to a point, if it's just a natural thing for a ship's engine room to be downstairs. Or a lower deck. Whatever terminology you prefer, it's not like you've been on too many ships, space-worthy or not, in your time.

You saw it on television like everyone else. Even if all your shows were recorded.

But at least it's not some endless void down there. Long, narrow catwalks one could trip off in some places, but no dramatic places to hang from, or for chasms you to lose a severed bit to the depths.

The engines were silent. Cool. Running on as little power as they could get them while still being in a state the wouldn't take weeks to fire up.

As it was, it would still take a few hours to slow down to orbiting speed, be it around Earth or some other planet.

You really hoped it would be Earth. And one free of some version of Her Imperious Condescension at that.

You had lied to Meenah. The slightest bit.

Jane had, unintentionally, shown you the first instance of a bowling ball you had seen in real life. In fact, you had been the one who delivered it - a gift from a father it was safer not to let the game know was around to be killed.

Bowling, on the other hand, was a Crocker family thing beyond Father and Daughter. Or, perhaps, a well recognized way to hang out with Jane's Dad. The Condesce herself had a bowling ally on Derse - two extra-wide lanes. And she had her own ball - a heavy one, but not inhumanly so. You'd joked with her on occasion how small it'd looked in her hands.

Oh. It was probably stored with the pins. Unless Jane had already been down here and thought to ferret it away.

Yes, The Condesce had anticipated wanting to bowl on the way to Earth - even if she had expected a faster trip - and had stored her paraphernalia in a convenient place in the engine room.

Of course, she hadn't only been satisfied with playing the usual variant of the game.

####  [==> Set up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343979)


	54. Check it out

It appears to be a weapons cache. Or it would have been, before the weapons are removed. There is... what looks to be a dried up grub filled with bullets, cartridge style (not shot full of holes).

There's also two pairs of wetsuits hanging. Or... is it a pair of wetsuit like a pair of pants? that would make 4 pairs of wetsuits. They seem small for the Condesce, but then you notice the colors.

It is a very specific set of colors.

####  [==> TRY YOURS ON](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343505)


	55. Visit Jake

You were... pretty sure sure you knew where Jake was. You had passed him already in the hall a few minutes ago. He'd had out a measuring tape, and seemed to be using it for it's intended purpose. Meenah had waved down to him, then the pair of you sung louder for a minute.

Wow your mouth was drying out from this singing. You really wished you could spit right now without being worried about hitting one of the carapaces below. Yech.

You opt instead to cough phlegm up a moment, first theatrically, then with more sincerely. "yuh oh roxy goin" one last cough before swallowing "a bit dry... we bettr go inta port." You bank a bit, turning down the hallway you remeber Jake being in earlier. And he's still there, awkward bagy shirt plainly in sight partway down it's length, "oh no... wer out fule... yr conna haf to push me in and fill me up."

Meenah gasps, jumps out of the "boat" and starts to tug you down the hallway to Jake. You buzz your lips a few times as she does so, mimicking a sputtering engine. Or, a sputtering engine sound effect on television. You aren't quite sure if she would associate the sound with - but it's cute, having her tug you along like she's really making any difference in your direction.

"jakie- yu still packing them hydrations?"

"Of course," He looks at you a little uncomfortably before pulling a canteen from his sylladex, "You really should get in the habit of carrying some yourself... or... no, I suppose you of all people don't have to."

You take a minute to chug the water you could have easily willed into existence via void powers. You empty the whole thing before replying, "i dont plan on bein everyones vending machin, least of all my own. anyways, what ya been up to?" You pitch forward, boating services not longer needed, and sink down to his level - chest height for jake - slightly readjusting you legs as she you do so - now they are locked firmly behind your back, rather than your head.

Jake stars at you for a long moment - his eyes telling you a story you aren't sure you want to read. No, at your butt. Yeah, it would have the appearance an oversized pair of rumblespheres at his angle, wouldn't it?

He finally catches himself, "I... think I might have found an undocumented compartment around here. This place being something between a castle and a submarine I thought there might be something- something hidden. So I've been plotting figures against the official schematics. Though it's... been a bit boring really. And I'm really against boring you uninvited..." Jake's wink at you is not very hidden. But at least the nod indicates your butt isn't the reason. Meenah is. And she is not really paying attention to him at the moment anyways.

"ah... hey meens? i sll a little thirsty, could you get me another water boddle?"

"Okay!" The troll quickly flies off.

"she hasn't actually completed a fetch quest yet," You whisper to Jake as she disappears around a corner. A corner to a hallway that was definitely not in the direction of the mess hall, "delivery, yeah, but ill find her later. anyways, did you need my expertise fittin through keyholes or..?"

"Can... you actually do that?"

"jakie, i have boners. So many boners. big ones, lil ones, all over my hot bod. rite here for example? pelvis. or, short answer, no."

"Ah. No, really I just want backup as I open this thing up. I'm sure I've Identified the entrance..."

####  [==> Agree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343568)

####  [==> Disagree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343550)


	56. Proceed to suspected location

You arrive at the mess hall with a kink starting to develop in your back. Sometimes that's good - things stretch differently - but now it's just annoying.

Jane's at one of the Alchemiters in the room - several carapaces beside her trying to look like no, they weren't just in a line.

"yoooo... whatcha looking for?"

Jane glances over as you nudge Meenah off, "Oh, hey you. I though I'd see if I could get this thing to give me a different variety of vinaigrette."

"a what now?" Roxy was still in her midair knot, but was trying to pull it tighter - hopefully to get it to the right angle to get a pop from a spine snapping into a more comfortable position, "id be happy ta try and whip somthing up for ya."

"Ha ha, no offense but I'd rather not leave that to someone who doesn't know what a proper vinaigrette is. I'm just going to try and brute force it, if you don't mind."

Wine they had, Vinegar, olive oil - Jane's Recipe Modus gave some hints from there, so at least whatever she came up with would be edible.

Meenah helped by pushing random buttons, and occasionally sampling the result.

You were just glad for the break to work on her back at this point. You may have straightened out for a second or two, just to let some ligaments pop back into place, while the troll was distracted. Not that it'd hurt the bet too much.

Eventually she settled, and Jane sent out her dinner bell alert - the mess hall clears out quickly, none of the Carapaces wanting to be around for the gathering of the gods. Though a few still stare in from the doorway.

Jane was gone with a plate of food for her father, but that only ever takes a minute. You hardly have time to miss her, trting to figure out how you'll settle in at the table, before she's back with a question, "Uh - Roxy, do you remember about that typewriter thing you said you'd handle? Do you think you can do that soon? I mean, if it doesn't interfere with your bet."

"i spose it might not. meenah could run distraktion while i size it up."

Dirk floated in, silently stewing in his own thought - even if he seemed a bit more pleasant than he had before.

Jake - well, they heard him coming before they saw him. And Dirk gave a whistle when he finally did appear.

"Chums... this very eve I discovered a cache of wetsuits left for us by her highness... though I wouldn't suggest wearing them. They pinch a little - everywhere." As little as his god tier outfit left to the imagination, the full-body wetsuit would have left even less save for the vagueness of the black portions. At it's wide green stripes - not so much.

"Hey you want me to cut you out of there?" it very much sounded like a proposition from Dirk.

"Pshaw! Dirk, I have no will to have you remove my trousers in the near future."

There was a long moment of silence - until most of the kids broke down into laughter, and finally settled in to eat.

#### GOOD END


	57. Set up

"hokay meens, heres the game," you shoo Meenah off your belly, "yu start by standing here," the only thing you know to do at the moment is position her far away form pin storage, so you take a moment to think.

"now dere are two ways to play this game," You delay another moment, taking the time to shuffle your legs around a bit while not actually getting out of your frontbend - rather, you pull it a bit tighter, to transfer the pressure from certain point in your spine that were starting to ache.

"Ho kay, what do I do?"

"wayy over here, i set up some pins - ten of them. all the way down here," you drift down the walkway, and pop open the panel where the pins were stowed - and yes, it was there. Condy's ball.

You quickly set up the pins, and slam the panel closed, "and the goal is ta knock em down."

Of course Meenah starts to walk up, looking like she's getting ready to punch something.

"wiat! it would be a game if you just did it normal, would it? back where yu were."

You float back to where you left her and start untying yourself. Meenah gives you a look of suspicion.

"no walkin, no runnin, no swimmin, for flyin - you either gotta throw a ball or you gotta roll like a ball... lemme show ya." it takes a moment to pull yourself along the floor - from a knotted frontbend, through a front split, to a backwards-bending chest stand. The move gives you sensations that are equal parts an endorphin rush and blood rush - you are certain you're going to get pins and needles in a moment. Move fast.

"you ball yrself up, aim for the pins, and rollll," you twist your feet inwards, grab your thighs, and lean too far forward, knees first - and fall forward. It's not enough of a fall though to really get any momentum, so... you cheat. The floaty thing is easy to hide, given your experience by this point, and Meenah certainly won't have the same trouble of not being able to fall as she figures things out.

And your fall turns into a head-over-heels roll.

You only have to adjust your path slightly as the pins come back into sight - veering to the left, pull the right leg in a little tighter - and up comes the floor. Meenah appears, upside down - not long enough to really read an impression before looking at the ceiling, and adjusting again for the approaching pins.

####  [==> Go for a Strike](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343340)

####  [==> Go for a Spare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343676)


	58. Shove Off and find Jake

"if yr sure you don't need someone to talk to... ok" Roxy slowly floated back to the exit.

"Bye Dirk!" Meenah waved

####  [==> Where Was Jake, then](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343958)


	59. Objective: Typewriter

The cabin abandoned, you quickly locate one source of Jane's woes - an antique typewriter of unknown origin that was manufactured in the ancient times before saving to a plain text file was even conceived... One that produces copious amounts of paper Jane has dedicated herself to retype, edit and compile into books of unknown future usefulness.

The retyping is the worst part.

You quickly grab up a loose sheet of paper to replace the one currently in progress. You've got to figure out how this thing works, how if feels, if you're going to void up a retrofit without, like, killing her Dad's spirit or something.

You bang out something obviously too meta for the author to even conceive. A trio hot pixelated CD-i wizards are there, claiming it's to dangerous to go alone, your self insert should take- and as they reach for their pantaloons, your friend Geromy is there, and teaches the three the true meaning of the friendzone. _Goddam_ you've going have to photoshop up a cover to this two page fic later. Something tasteful, the trio CD-i wizards and a selfie of you howling up at the moon or something. You're sure you have just the pic, you'll just make sure the giant troll pushing you into a back-bent split is cropped out of frame. And give yourself a wizard hat. And a moon which will look like Geromy. Perfect.

No seriously, it would be easier to retrofit the typewriter than void up an entirely new one. You already know the GameBoy circuit board well enough, you just have to think up a daughter board... 4 rows of staggered inputs ... matrix controller... watch battery? No give it a little atomic one so you don't have to dig it out later... I2C connection... replace link cable with standard USB Type A port. USB 2.0 will be plenty for text.

A cordless dremel tool appears in your hand. Before a cautionary backup to captchalogue card to get a reproduction code, you dremel out a hole perfectly sized for inserting a USB stick. No sweat.

Wait. WHY did you just lick the table to collect the dust? Darn cat.

Ok. Focus. If you do this right....

####  [==> Focus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995571/chapters/47343451)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Variant Epilogue for Another](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187191) by [SRN (a_b_b_e)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_b_b_e/pseuds/SRN)




End file.
